Rawiya Erotica

Thursday Thoughts – Is it All Worth It?

Posted on: March 29, 2012

“My husband tells me I write porn and asks what example am I setting for my kids…”


“You must not be selling well because your checks are so low.”


I’m not saying who these quotes come from. They’re paraphrased anyway. Who says these things? These are things erotica and/or romance writers hear from their loved ones; family and friends whether it be spouses, siblings or bff’s.


Pardon me but loved ones means someone who is supposed to love you and support you in all your endeavors especially if it hurts no one. You’ve seen parents and spouses stick by their family members when they did do something horrible like commit murder or even when they’ve committed adultery but wow, you write erotica or smut hetero or gay and you’re setting a bad example. You’re SCUM!




I have to wonder about the family of writers like Stephen King. No doubt, the man is a horror master and has built a fanbase that will carry o way after he’s gone. Stories about chopping people up and demonic beings who murder for fun and yet he’s lauded by millions. However, as erotica or romance writers we are the scum of the earth. Oh no, you can’t possibly write about something like falling in love and having sex! No way. You’re not setting a good example for the children! You’re not a real writer, etc, etc. HATERS!


Regardless of whether you write straight, m/m, bdsm, or whatever, your story’s base is still romance. You write about two people connecting on some level which is what people do every day but for whatever reason, you as the erotica romance writer cannot show your face anywhere. You can’t hold down a job and let people know what you write. Your neighbors treat you like a leper so you have to keep a penname. When your kids ask you, you tell them I write romance and if they tell their friends, they are probably told your mom writes smut or porn.


Oh but it’s okay if you write about murdering people, yeah that’s cool. *laughs*


I keep using Stephen King or horror writers not because I don’t like what he does in fact I respect him as an artist. I’m not a huge fan of his books but I’ve read a couple and seen the movies. However, the reason I use him is because I don’t see the uproar over what he has been doing for decades but we as romance writers still draw the most disrespect.


I’m sure there are people who don’t like what he writes. I don’t know his history, maybe he has been shunned by his peers but I can only comment on what I see in the genre I write in. My fellow writers doubting themselves and asking the above question almost to the point of tears. Is it worth it?


Excuse my French but HELL YES!

First and foremost, you as a writer are an artist, a creator, someone that writes stories from the heart. Regardless of what genre or style, what level of sex, etc, you’re still someone writing a story about 2 or more people doing something God gave us the will to do. Love and connect. You might not believe in God which is fine, still you as a human have been given that ability so you write about it. Is there something wrong with this? No. Let’s move on.


Second, the example you’re setting for your kids. Hmm, well I don’t know, you’re doing something that you love doing. Writing. You write for hours, after they are fed and asleep in their beds. You do it tirelessly along with promoting your books, putting your pen name out there to get recognized. With it, comes some good reviews some bad and eventually, someone likes your work, buys it, and you make some money that keeps them clothed and fed. What does that teach them? Determination and the will to succeed. When you shrug off a bad review, it shows them you won’t let anyone stop you from doing what you love. The 5.00 royalty check that might buy a dozen of eggs and a loaf of bread will help along the way and if you keep doing it despite how big or small it might be, it shows that you’re willing to work hard regardless of the money you make from it. All writers have books that don’t sell, some have books that sell thousands. It’s a rollercoaster business and we do it because we love it. I don’t know what better life lessons than that.


Third, the money. I’ve touched on that in the second part but has anyone heard the saying, starving artist? Regardless if you’re a painter, a writer, a sculptor, photographer, movie maker, actor, you are an artist and the work you do takes time to make money. Yes, it is a business and yes we would like to sell a million copies of every book but that’s just unrealistic. Along with the determination and that will to succeed, you have to have luck and patience. I can tell you if you start to write or create just with the sole purpose of selling then in my opinion, you are in it for the wrong reasons. You must love what you do first! You might love that book but only 40 people have bought it.  It hasn’t caught on but soon, you’ll write that book that will sell a thousand or more copies. This takes time and as I said, for some it might not take as long but for others a little longer. This is a huge market, erotica and or romance and the numbers of writers and publishers as well as the Indies grows by leaps and bounds every day. Yes, we all want that reader to love us and the good thing about this business is we can all share the same “customers.” Do it for the love first, not the money.


As artists, we all have our ups and downs. I know I’ve had several times where I doubted myself or the story I wrote but I keep at it. Why? Because I love it.


Let me share my own experience with you since it’s the only one I can comment on. I have a husband, 2 kids. One 13, one going on 4. My husband is very supportive of what I do and has stated he’s happy that I’m doing what I love. At the same time, he is also somewhat of a homophobe. He doesn’t want to admit that he isn’t tolerant as he should be. (See my article on Its Raining Men.) Still, as I stated, he has read some of my work, has talked my ideas over with me and gave me a hug and kiss when I have a small bit of success. Really, I’m glad I have at least that from him. Notice I didn’t mention mom or sibling. They know what I write. Mom doesn’t get it or like it. My brother is happy that I’m doing something I love but doesn’t understand the gay angle. Ah well.


My son has made the statement that I write and look at gay porn. Quickly, I pulled him to the side and told him I write romance and the stories about two people falling in love whether gay or straight isn’t porn. Big difference. Yeah I have some porn on my computer and the kid has seen a couple of pictures on accident. Did I freak? Nope. I said, I’m an adult, you’re the kid. Do I know this kid has seen some stuff most likely when he’s not under my watchful eye? Yes. We can’t shelter our kids from everything. I’ve even told my kid and his teachers that I’m a writer and I expect him to explain everything fully in his papers as I do. To give a complete picture. When we take the time to explain, our kids can’t do anything but learn from our experience. They’ll eventually find out anyway.


My friends love what I do. All of them whether my Facebook friends, the peeps I have friended through fanfiction, (mostly Durannies) and my own friends here at home have all been the most supportive. My bff attended GayRomLit with me and she was one of the people who encouraged me to pick up the pen again in 2009. If I didn’t have the hubs support, I’d still do it because my friends have been there to show their love.


In this long rant/ramble, the point is we as authors love what we do. We can’t help what people think and if they shun us for it, then that’s their problem. It’s not a reason to stop writing! It’s not a valid reason to stop doing what you love if you really do love it.


Forget the naysayers! Write about 2 people falling in love and be proud of what you’ve written. Is it worth it? Yes it is because it’s in your heart to continue!

4 Responses to "Thursday Thoughts – Is it All Worth It?"

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I’m not yet published, did you see that I wrote yet 🙂 but even if that never happens I will continue to write b/c I love my characters. There is something special about messing with two characters and then sitting back and watching them figure it all out and fall madly in love- it’s an addiction
Yes, I write romance, shh, don’t tell my mom about the D/s she wont understand and that is fine b/c I do
and I love it!

LOL Thanks for the comment SJ. I love writing period. Even if I did it for free I’d still do it. Of course I’d like to make some money in this business and I have. Wanna do more but it isnt about the cash first

Thank you for your support, even through this column. I definitely get irked by the “porn” comments.

Many hugs to you!

I do too Louisa. Thanks for commenting

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